blog without reason...

so i always blog when i travel. i'd like to say that's because i love to update everyone on my happenings, but truth be told, my main motivation is my own lethargy. i simply cannot be bothered to email everyone. it takes too much time, costs too much money at cafes, and requires way too much effort on my part. blogging made sense...write one thing and put it in a place where everyone can see it. it seemed so generous and wholistic. really, i was doing everyone a service by posting my ramblings on the internet, wasn't i?

but really, the best part about blogging was this: if you didn't get updated, it was your fault...not mine. my job was to write, your job was to make sure you checked the blog every week. blogging put the responsibility on the reader, not the writer and in that subtle switch, i was absolved of any blame i might reap for not keeping someone in the loop (which is a persistent habit of mine). it seemed brilliant.

but as convenient as blogging was for me, i never continued after i came home. it seemed so narcissistic, in the way posting the details of your life on myspace or facebook is so tragically self indulgent. it's actually contrary to my ethics to participate in such activity because i feel like those things infuse our generation of significance-seeking worth mongers with a false sense of importance. i'm all about confidence...and i'm all about confidence as a LEARNED behavior...but i think the kind of life and opinion sharing made possible by the internet is only a hindrance to something that's actually worthwhile.

so if i believe all that, why am i blogging now? good question. i suppose i don't really have a good reason except that i need to be writing everyday. it's good for my sanity and an excellent deterrent to the implosion of my brain.

i have a friend who always bugged me to continue my blogs after i returned home, but i never did. i always wondered why? what was the point? i had a trusty old journal to write in...so why was it my responsibulity to entertain those in my social circle? where did i ever get the idea that my writing was mildly entertaining in the first place?

it's probably because i seek approval of my opinions just like the next girl. i'm a significance-seeking worth monger out to leave my signature on the world; my own proverbial "sydney was here" signmarker. so the truth is finally out there: i'm arrogant and vain and become insecure if what i think is challenged by one of the many people in my life that are smarter than i am...but so is everybody else...so i don't care. we can all be insecure together.

so i guess i'm going to blog now...i hardly ever work anyway so i might as well do something productive with my time.